skis, lies and measuring tape...

lies
Originally uploaded by brendhan_mcdevitt.

Once again I see exaggeration and speculation are contagious amongst the ski areas of the northeast. That is what the ski areas have to do, right? Keep their chin up, claim good conditions and hope that people have forgotten that less than one year ago they happened to fall for the same line of crap. Well I'm about to do something about that. I've chosen to analyze what these ski area "condition updates" are really saying. Today is my first posting, but it won't be my last. I will continue to barrage these ski areas with my cynicism until they change their ways and state "well it is just another mediocre day on frozen corduroy here at __________ (fill in east coast location)". Check back periodically for a taste of the truth, and my angst.

Today I browsed the Sugarloaf USA website. I skied there this weekend so I figure I have a pretty good idea of what the conditions are. The first posting that I read made my nose bleed. The man had written:

Greetings Sugarloafers,

'The best December in years.'. . .'Nothing but perfect.'. . .'Unbelievable.' These are just a sampling of what Sugarloafers are saying about the conditions here at the Loaf. And the news gets better.

These skiers must have altitude sickness at 4,000 feet. What is so good about this December? The average temperature is well above normal, we've only strung together several days of cold weather and there has been a serious lack of snow. Not to mention that the grooming and the crowds were terrible on Saturday. If you take the freezing rain out of the equation, you still had to deal with ungroomed, bumpy terrain chuck full of terrible skiers. If that is the "best December in years" then it is about time I swallow the tip of that pistol that I"ve been eyeing for the past month.

So I figured the posts for today had ended. I had a hunch, however, that Bill, Sugarloafer since 1992" wouldn't stop just there. Well he didn't. If the last post made my nose bleed, this post caused an all out brain hemorrhage:

The excitement is building over the track of what appears to be a very significant snowstorm that's headed our way early next week. It's too early to pin down the potential snow totals, but we can say this is shaping up to be one of the strongest Nor'easters in recent memory.

Speaking of memory, I'm sure everyone remembers that Nor'easter from last December that dropped foot after foot of the fluffiest snow you ever saw. That's the kind of storm we're looking at.

Keep your fingers crossed.

What the hell is Bill talking about? This storm is only a slight possibility at this time. Sure, the long range models are putting a large Nor'easter in the Gulf of Maine sometime between Monday and Tuesday of this upcoming week, but we've all seen this before. Don't start making claims about "strongest Nor'easters in recent memory". I am willing to bet that Bill will be eating his words about "too early to pin down snow totals". It's hard to measure passing flurries Bill, but I don't doubt that you are quite adept at it.

Oh yeah, then Bill decides to talk about last year's December storm. Wait a second there Billy-Boy, you just got done posting comments from fellow Sugarloafers about THIS YEAR being the best December. The four feet of snow that you got in one storm last December must have escaped everyone's mind.

I haven't delved into the evil minds of the Jay Peak snow measurers quite yet, but they are going to get some feedback before the year is over. This I guarantee.

Until next time, if you think the conditions report at your local northeast ski area is too good to be true, well that is because the person posting it is being paid to make stuff up and they are on the angel dust...